Why I shouldn't drink and blog

As you will read below I have a fairly low opinion of certain footballers and minor Celebrities, and having read it I hope you will agree with me that three bottles of wine are in no way whatsoever beneficial to my writting style.

Lets be honest, it's rubbish.

Devoid of wit, style and anything worthy of discussion, it's an absolute embarrasment.

Pete Cashmore could do better, and thats a horrendous thing to have to admit.

So, it's staying right there as a reminder to me that I shouldn't log on to this page when I've been on the sauce.

Why I hate Frank Lampard Jr

It's been offered up to me in the last 24 hours that maybe my dislike for Jade Goody and my respect for Sir Bobby Mooore may be somewhat parochial

Lets be fair, when Bobby Moore, Captain of England's 1966 World Cup winning squad, retired from football and was diagnosed with the cancer that killed him, he was not a celebrity, in fact he was selling anoraks out the back of his car and writing column for the Sunday Sport to pay the bills.

Lampard and that cunt Terry talk about and compare themselves to Bobby Moore all the time, but they have nothing like the respect for others and the game that the big man had.

Lets be honest, Jade Goody has had a more honest and decent release from this world than Bobby Moore was afforded, and there is only one Sky Tv responsible for that.

Fuck off Lampard, you have no respect, and Terry is laughable as an England Captain. You make me disgusted to be a football fan..

Wanted Down Under.

Now, I am aware that maybe not all of you are self-unemployed or Dole Scum, but you really should Sky+ this little beaut if you aren't near a TV at 9.15 in the morning.

It's what the BBC think is a good use of the Licence Payers money, a show about taking some bunch of Norvern Monkeys over to 'Straylia and basically taking the piss out of how dreary and average their lives are in some shit kicking northern backwater, and showing them how marvelous things are in the former colonies.

But what really grates isn't the slackjawed astonishment of the Mechanic/Ariel fitter or Telecoms monkey that they drag out there that they might be able to afford a house with an indoor lavvy in 'Straylia, but the constant puffing of smoke up the Antipodean arse by the presenter. They are wholely unwilling to accept that there may be reasons that people who don't live in some provincial backwater might not think that Australia is Heaven on Earth, but is in fact a flyblown hell hole mostly populated by gobshite inbreds whose last good read had fabric pages.

"Ooh Here we are Surfers Paradise, yes, there are used hypodermics all over the beach, and everyone is drunk or high, but look at the lovely sea!!!"

"Yes, the Brown King snake is the worlds most venomous reptile, but apparently they shit actual diamonds!!!"

"Here in Woolabagooma the temperature hasn't dipped below 42 degrees since November, so you'll get a lovely tan."

"Look at your lovely big garden, you can have lots of those famous Aussie Barbies in that eh? and you probably won't get bitten by anything that will kill you, or eaten by the wildlife. The Neighbours are lovely boorish beer soaked Rugby League fans who are very friendly and will almost never be out of your fridge, and are almost completely house trained"

Lets be honest, Australia has no culture to speak of, is like Britain in the 1950's but without the commitment to personal hygine, and there are very good reasons that when we discovered it, we decided to use it as a Prison. Australia isn't the land of milk and honey that the tabloid readers think, it's got it's fair share of social issues, crime, poverty and other shite, it's got a climate that is so unrelenting in being too bastard hot that you'd want to kill everyone you meet for fully 5 months of the year. Yes the houses are big, because they have miles of dusty scrub to build on that is fuck all use for anything else, but you can drive for days on end without finding anything worth stopping for.

There is a very good reason that London is full of bastard Colonials, and the fuckers just won't leave.

The Drag Racing.............

it's only 42 sleeps as they say around these parts until the VWDRC's first full on test session of the season at Santa Pod, GTi Spring Festival.

Good luck to all the racers, and I'll be posting some updates on Team Rotten's prepareations of lack thereof a little later.

Good use of the word........

Ignominious by the Sentanta commentator in the Watford v Chelsea game, shame he couldn't pronounce it.

Chelase fans ridiculously pleased with a 1-2 lead.

West Ham get to go to the fog for a replay with Boro.

All a bit meh. really.

"Our Becks" rejoins LA Galaxy.

After slating him earlier in the week, i find myself in the uncomfortable position of having to salute David Beckham for doing the right thing and going back to LA Galaxy as per his contract rather than throwing his toys out the pram to stay at AC Milan.

Even more admirable given that the US league is little more than glorified park football, and AC Milan are one of European football's Giants. If Sheik Mohammed decided to buy Cheltenham Town, because it's near the Geegee track, and got Martin Allen to buy Kaka to secure the League 2 title then we'd be in the same ballpark.

Well done David, it's a shit idea, but it's the honourable way to go.

Today we are liking.......

Mont Blanc Meisterstuck Fountain Pen.

A design Icon that you can still purchase, and won't give the bank manager a heart attack.

Pull this bad boy out of your inside pocket and the person with the paperwork will know you are a serious player.

Racist Cloggie versus the Mussies.

Nice peacefull protesters being reasonable, yesterday.


Crazy Dutch Guy



Crazy haired chubby lovechild of David Cameron and Boris Johnson, Geert Wilders has been prevented from entering the United Kingdom due to protests from Muslim groups over a film that relates passages from the Qu'ran to Global Terrorism.

Now, make me wrong on this, but i was under the impression that the terrorist acts included in his film where all commited by extremist Islamic groups, all of whom claim to be acting in accordance with their beliefs?

My contention here is that Mr Wilders should enjoy the same freedom of speech that those who wish to ban him enjoy in this country, as what he is saying is not intended to promote hatred or Violence, but to create awareness that some people are in the business of distorting Islam to justify violent actions.

Is Islam really so weak that it can tolerate no criticism or comment?

The FA Cup

Saturday 3pm. The Bolyen Ground, Upton Park E13.

West Ham Utd v. Middlesborough.

FA Cup 5th Round.

Until our defeat in the '05/'06 Final stolen by the Scousers, West Ham had not reached an Cup final since 1980. But this year there will be no trip to the Millennium stadium, and hopefully no Steven Gerrard scoring in Injury time or nasty Francophone African treading in Marlon to keep Lucas Neil's hands off the FA Cup.

First however we must dispose of Middlesborough, a team who haven't managed a win in 13 games in the Premiership, and that we have beaten in our last two meetings in the Cup.

West Ham's only serious problem is a late fitness test on Valon Berhami, some might say the Hammer of the Season so far, but Kovac or Savio, January signings both, are ready to step in should Valon not make it.

The other fixtures are:

Swansea City v Fulham

McCabe's losers v Hull Fishy

Blackburn v The Cov

Watford v Chelsea.

Everton v Villa

Derby v the Munichs

and a weird threesome between Arsenal, Cardiff City and Burnley

Come on Watford!

House Prices: The greatest confidence trick ever perpetrated on the British Public?

You know the drill, six months ago some chinless wonder in the pub talking loudly about how much the Equity on his house has increased in the last two years, the same chap now crying into his beer over the 'drop' in house prices.......

But here's the rub, was he ever any better off?

Yes, the price of his house on the open market has increased, so on paper his net value has gone up as well, but so has the value of other properties in similar locations in the same time period, so if he is moving house, there is no change in relative values. What has changed is the amount of money that he would have been borrowing to fund his move, and the amount of commission that the Estate Agent earns on the deal.

so unless you are liquidating your Property, are Mortgage free, have made a speculative purchase in an area that is becoming more desirable, or have renovated or significantly improved the property with the related investment of time and money, then you haven't significantly improved your position, you are simply paying more money in Interest to a bank.

So why do people do it? Why are the British unique in Europe for being so obsessed with home ownership, and why are they prepared to pay a significant chunk of their income to a Bank in return for no increase in the proportion of the property that they actually own?

Supply and demand has a significant role to play, the availability of property in the south of England is significantly below demand, but that doesn't make sense of the insane prices being paid.

I believe that whilst Estate Agency is an unregulated Industry, and Banks are allowed to offer Mortgages so far in advance of that which their clients can possibly expect to repay in their lifetime, then there is a vested interest in the artificially inflating property prices and a willing market of people who will convince themselves that they are making money on Property whilst in fact they are simply giving money to the Bankers and Estate Agents to no real benefit for themselves.

Maybe this time the downturn will inject a bit of reality into the situation, and the Government will finally move to make a more level playing field that will make areas other than the South will be desirable places to live with better working opportunities through inward investment, and will revise their thoughts on social housing to make the 'buy to let' Industry less attractive and creating a properly democratic market with options other than huge debt for the individual.

David Beckham equals Bobby Moore for England Caps.

As the Media never tires of telling us, last night's Spain v England game marked David Beckham's 108th cap, equalling the number won by the late Bobby Moore.

But David, the number of caps is that only thing that compares you to England's greatest ever Captain. Sir Bobby won the world cup, he was compared favourably with the very best who have ever played the game, and not just by the tabloid press. He was a Gentleman and a role model, not the plaything of a deranged ex-singer and supposed multiple shagger of the hired help.

Finally, although Beckham is a very good player, he may well be remebered better for being a 'Celebrity', half of 'Posh and Becks' and will see out his twilight years in the rather tacky decadence that his wife prefers. He won't be reduced to selling anoracks from the back of his car in the Upton Park car park, or writting a column in the Daily Sport as Bobby Moore was.

We shall always remember him, no matter how shabbily the football world treated him after he stopped playing, and if you want to do the right thing by England's only World Cup winning Captain, click the link over there >>> and bung a few quid to the Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research.

Coffee based disapointment and musings on why Mc Breakfasts are so wrong, but so right.

I am cussing them, I am cussing them well harsh.

Once a week (or possibly twice) I like to treat myself to the dirty wrongness of a McDonalds Breakfast, two egg and cheese (plastic cheese like processed product) Muffins, a hash brown and a large black coffee (This week with a free McMug, they are quite nice actually).

Unfortunately due to McDonalds policy of only employing the sort of people who should be supervised whilst using scissors, today i arrived home and found that despite clearly specifying that the coffee was BLACK, i have a cup of dishwater coloured shit. Milk in Coffee is wrong, simple as. It ruins it.

So why do i do this to myself?

There can be no real nutritional value to my McBrekkie of choice beyond the Scottish food group, saturated fat, and it doesn't leave you feeling fulfilled. But for reasons beyond all scientific knowledge it somehow tastes really good. I mean, it shouldn't, the ingredients are rubbish, it's badly cooked and served in a special sort of waxed paper that is both non-absorbent but at the same time not greaseproof, but I never fail to enjoy it.

Except when they get my bastard coffee wrong.

Today we are liking....

Today we are liking....Retro Fila 'Matchday' jacket.

Available from Stuarts London.

http://www.stuartslondon.com/product/FILA%20VINTAGE-GOLD/fila%20vintage/Navy%20Matchday/

Bankers Bonus.

Apparently Alistair Darling and Sir David Walker (ex Chairman of Morgan Stanley) will take until the end of the year to complete their review into the bonuses paid to Bankers.

Which seems a curiously long time to take to say 'You aren't getting any'.

They seem to think that there may be some 'contractual' issues with the Government, who are now major shareholders in a few of these Organisations, telling their staff that because the Company lost so much money that the Taxpayer had to bale them out they will not be receiving their Bonus. Although it may seem unfair on those staff that had nothing to do with the loss incurred, it's even less fair that many people are now without jobs and homes because of the epic nature of the banking industries failure in self regulation.

Big Phil hits the road.

After yet another disappointing home game, Roman has decided to allow Big Phil Scolari an extended holiday.

Hardly a shocker, given the Kings Road Posh' execrable form for a team that is supposedly a nailed on member of the Big Four these days, drawing at home with Hull just isn't an option if you are looking at another Championship. But lets be fair, bringing in quimming Quaresma after he fell out with yet another manager at Inter Milan after Barcelona offloaded him for being too much trouble even for them did look a little like desperation, even if they are still saying that the Russian hasn't taken his ball home (yet).

Best of all though, the Telly is full of the mug Chelsea fans who had spray painted a protest sign on what looks very much like his mum's incontinence mattress protector, demanding that they being in the Chelsea Chmipyboy from little West Ham down the road. Bwahahaha! You have no chance mate, we are playing far better than your shambles of overpriced egoists.

Er....Why won't it let me space paragraphs?

Sorry, that looks Rubbash.

Well, that didn't really go as well as you'd hope....

West Ham lost to Manchester United, not really a surprise but disappointing all the same as I still feel that we have been playing good football, and if Scholes hadn't blatantly fouled Noble in the middle of the pitch, or Captain slow had held his position, then it may have gone to the draw that looked nailed on for much of the game. Fair play to Ryan Giggs, he did well to get it through a forrest of legs and into the net. He is, despite his unrepentant Mancunian ways, a model Professional who is hard to dislike and has been there seemingly forever.

Much has been made of West Ham supporters gently teasing Christiano Ronaldo about his recent driving mishap, can't say that I find it either shocking or terribly upsetting that a player who does his best to gain an advantage in any way possible, usually involving flinging himself dramatically at the floor, has been getting some abuse from the Hammers. He deserves everything he gets, the multiple step over, piss taking trick pony cheat. It's one of the great joys and strengths of football that is still available to us now standing and swaying along with mates in the terraces and having a beer at the game have been taken from us, they can't take away the natural inventiveness and quick wit of the fans.

I did try and watch Tottenham and Arsenal's attempt to bore us all to a mid afternoon nap, the only notable incidents in a full 90 minutes was a referee contriving a method of disallowing a perfectly good Arsenal goal, and the sheer stupidity of Eboue in getting himself sent off for two priceless acts of petulance. Despite being down to 10 men, Arsenal always looked the most likely despite Bungpuss's protestations of adequacy for his side.

The other notable occurrence of the weekend was Tony Adams being sacked by Portsmouth, handed a poisoned chalice by 'Arry was never going to go well especially for a man whose management experience only extended to a poor period at Wycombe Wanderers and then putting the cones out for Twitchet whilst he lined up the next purchase of a geriatric journeyman on a long contract for a few million. Curbishley is favourite to replace him for now, i think his unique brand of blandness would suit Pompey well.

And finally, the sporting event of the weekend. Whilst North London's smuggest residents plodded hopelessly around the Emirates Stadium, ESPN America aired a fantastically bad tempered encounter between The Toronto Maple Leafs and Montreal Canadiens. The biggest rivalry in Hockey ended with a 5-2 win for the Leafs, but the stats told the truth of the game with 33 penalty minutes to the Leafs and 28 to the Canadiens going into the last five minutes of the game.......But the Leafs new signing Jason Blake made the difference and was a different class.

It's a Sunday in February, so that will be 'Super Sunday!!' Gawd Bless Sky and their relentless hype.

Yup, It's another earth shattering 'Ford Super Sunday' on Sky, with Stelling and the boys rubbing themselves into an almost mastubatory level of pure excitement at the comming festival of football.

And for once, the line-up might just about justify the hyperbole.

Obviously the fixture at the Emirates isn't quite the same as it would have been in the past when Tottenham actually provided a proper rivalry to Arsenal, rather than just a geographical one, but i can never get bored of watching 'Twitchet' going balistic over the latest mishap for his ill stared assembly of very expensive footballers. Redknapp has spent the most money of any club in the Premiership in January, more even than the comedy stylings of Mark 'kaka' Hughes at Citeh, and seems intent on reasembling Tottenham teams of the past in the hope that it might work better than having a squad that look like they met on a bus. Anyone know what Teddy Sherringham is up to? Actually, don't be ridiculous, we all know what Teddingham is likely to be up to at this time on a Sunday.

After the warm up men have done their shtick, we move on to the main event. West Ham United versus some small club from Salford. Helpfully, ESPN have been trailing the game all week on their 'classic' channel by showing the '94/'95 Season meeting in which a fantastic strike from Michael Huges earned West Ham a well deserved draw and Blackburn Rovers the Title. Marvelous.

As much as Liverpool and Chelsea have been busy snatching defeat from the jaws of victory and throwing away a 1o point cushion in the case of the scousers, The Boleyn Ground hasn't been a happy place for the Gorbells wine enthusiast and his well behaved and admirable bunch of decent young chaps. Lets hope for the sake of Football and all that is decent and good in this world that Carton Cole seals a win for the Hammers again this afternoon.

Yes, that Carlton Cole. I kid you not, an unlikely strike rate of one a game for the last half dozen Premiership games has got CFC a call up to the England squad. Ladies and Gentlemen, the world has indeed gone fucking mental.

Welcome to my world.

This is the first time for me. I've been thinging about this for a while, but sometimes it takes a while to feel comfortable enough to actually do it.

So welcome again my old friends, hello and welcome to my new friends, and a huge shrug of indifference to those who don't fit either catagory.

What you'll find here is some postings about Drag Racing with the VWDRC (Volkswagen Drag Racing Club), some postings about VW shows, some postings about Football and some postings that appear to be nothing to do with anything else.

What you won't get is any slack, and meandering or self absorbed twitter (unless it's about Twitter, I'm undecided about it so far, is it a licence for the tedious to share their mediocrity or is it a step forward in personal communications? I think it's probably a Geeks wank-a-thon for the minute, splattered with the foul seed of Meejia sad cases who wish to appear 'cutting edge'.)

So there we go.

I have no idea at the moment how this is going to develop, I'll be learning as we go so it will change how it looks quite quickly, and probably gain features and other ways of dealing with the many Ideas that i have but have never been drawn to enough to persue.

Be Lucky (or licky, who knows)

Francois van der Elst