First in a new very occasional series.....2-bob cooks.

Chunky Chili

This is not a recipe in the accepted 'Delia Smith' sense of the word, more a discussion of what you could sling together to make a decent Chili. I use soya protein substitutes for meat, partly because of the health benefits of low fat content, the fact that I can't eat meat anyway without getting the raging squits, and the risk involved with consuming anything that used to have a face that has been factory farmed and processed on an Industrial basis. Please feel free to apply your own sensibility or risk tolerance to the 'meat' aspect of the list, and don't come crying to me if that cheap processed meat product eventually kills you.

This is also not meant to be a gourmet 'best possible' Chili, it's just easy to make and bloody tasty.

To make: LOTS.

3 Onions
Large pack of Mushrooms
3 Chillies. Use your discretion as to what you use, I use 3 regular supermarket Chillies, i think it gives a nice balance of flavour to heat. The headbangers will use scotch bonnet and pretend to like it, wooftahs can use less. Chop them fairly fine. for less heat remove the seeds. If you wear contact lenses make sure you either wear gloves to do this, or wash your hands LOTS before taking the lenses out tonight. Stand on me.)
1/2 clove of Garlic, chopped fairly fine.
4 teaspoons of vegetable stock powder - marigold is clearly the best.
4 teaspoons of Bisto Onion Gravy granules. (shit I know, but they do a job.)
1 teaspoon Chili Powder
1 teaspoon smoked Paprika powder
2 teaspoons Jerk Seasoning/Cajun seasoning (you can make your own if you are a ponce)
Sprinkle of mixed herbs, fresh Coriander by the handful, or whatever else you fancy
Splosh of Mushroom Ketchup, Tabasco and Soy sauce to taste.
1 can Kidney Beans
1 can Black Eye Beans
1 can Pinto beans
2 cans chopped tomatoes
2 packs of Asda 'beef style meatballs'

1 big pan (approx 5 litres or more)
1 large frying pan
1 litre jug

Cheddar
Spring Onion
Soured cream (small pot)
Chillies

Firstly chop the onions and fry them off in the big pan, chop the mushrooms and add them once the onions start to brown a little, turn down the heat and put a lid on the pan to boil down the mushroom juices. this should take around 10-15 minutes.

Whilst that's happening you'll need to stir the onions and mushrooms fairly regularly, so make the stock by the stove so you can keep an eye.

Put the stock powder, gravy granules, chili powder, Paprika, Seasoning, herbs and sauces into a jug and add about a Litre of water.

Turn the heat back up under the pan, and reduce the mushroom and onion juices until you can fry off the Garlic and Chillies in it.

Add the Tomatoes, Beans and Stock to the pan and simmer gently for a good while.

In the meantime, fry the 'meatballs' in a heavy frying pan until golden brown, and season heavily with salt and pepper.

finally, about 20 minutes before you want to serve, add the meatballs to the Chili, and continue to simmer.

This pot will improve overnight and is happy to be he-heated later, the longer you leave it the better it gets. It also freezes well.

Serve with some grated cheddar, soured cream, chopped spring onions and chopped chili as garnish.