Getting so much better all the time

We are a week into the World Cup and it's getting better and better.

Ok so the actual games have been a bit dull with only a couple of games with more than a single goal separating the teams, and the host nation taking an early bath, it's been more of an endurance test watching 3 games a day for the last 9 days.

But behind the scenes it's been BRILLIANT!

Fifa have been leading the way, arresting ladies for wearing the wrong colour frock at the Holland v Denmark game, arresting a tout for trying to shift 70 odd tickets whilst Fifa delegate Jack Warner has been shifting them by the hundred, and generally getting on everyone's tits.....

England have been abysmal, and Wayne Rooney has had to apologize for having a pop at the fans who told him so. But at least the booing drowned out the Vuvuzellas. Apparently John Terry is promising a big bust up at the team meeting tonight, although fuck knows what he thinks gives him the right to be shouting the odds off the back of his own performance, so that might get things a bit more lively....

But England can't hold a candle to our Gallic cousins across the Channel, as I might have mentioned before Raymond Domenech isn't widely admired as coach, and having warmed up with a bust up with midfielder Florent Malouda, he eased himself into the group stages by being physically separated from Patrice Evra on the training pitch, and then sending Anelka home after he abused the Manager when substituted, calling him a "dirty son of a whore". Aware that they where unlikely to make the second round, the French revved up for their Cup Final today by refusing to train, having two support staff resign, and generally getting more involved with the internal bickering. Whilst the team is obviously suffering a footballing hangover from the retirement of Zinadine Zidane, as far as fighting with each other goes they are hot favourites.

The other pre tournament favourites to self combust,Holland, have managed to keep it remarkably together. Even Wesley Snejider has stuck to football and the Oranjie are looking good off the back of their new found harmony having clocked on as the first team to qualify for the round of 16.

Whilst the German camp is solid, they have drafted in living legend and Bayern Munich talisman Franz Beckenbauer to aim a series of well aimed and very public jibes at their potential opponents in the next rounds. So far 'The Kaiser' has mauled the Americans, described Brazil as 'boring' and said that England are a kick and rush side that has gone backwards.......so spot on so far then. Back home one of their TV pundits got all Third Reich over Germany scoring, which whilst it was uber non-PC in itself might have been glossed over had the scorer not been Polish born Miroslav Klose.

Brazil have also taken a beating from Argentina Manager and general social hand-grenade Diego Maradonna. whilst he's still really just warming up, it can only be a matter of time until he really launches into the old enemy, Pele. Whilst the British Press insist that Maradonna is so mentalist as to be a complete liabillty, his team seem to be discounting that suspicion by being the only other guaranteed qualifiers with a 100% record in their two games so far.

Spain again looked to grasp defeat from the jaws of Victory by losing their first match against Switzerland......

And Italy, the holders, have spurned the idea of defending the title from the front by drawing their first game with Paraguay, and as I type being held 1-1 by the mighty New Zealand in the 86th minute. As yet there has been no real recriminations, but then we are still 4 minutes from the final whistle and the urgent requirement to beat Slovakia by a hatfull on Thursday to stumble into second place behind Paraguay assuming they manage at least a draw against NZ. Italy will then face Holland in the last 16 rather than the more managable proposition of Japan.

Dunga's Brazil have the opportunity of throwing off the Boring tag in their second game tonight against Ivory Coast. They scraped a 2-1 win in the first game against North Korea, but to be fair it's more than possible that the tactical genius of Great Leader Kim Jong Il is the thing that enabled them to match the Brazillians, that he communicates to team manager Kim Jong-hun via mobile telephones invisible to the naked eye that the Great Leader himself invented. Or so the North Koreans are claiming.

African hopes seem to hinge on Ghana and Cote de Ivoire at this stage, with Cameroon needing to beat the Clogs by at least two in their final game, and hope that Denmark do them a favour and beat the Japanese if they are to qualify. Nigeria need to beat South Korea on Tuesday by a similar margin and hope quite reasonably that Argentina do a job on Greece. The hosts will need a quite frankly unfeasable six goal win over France to stay in, and for Uruguay or Mexico to win without reply.

So as we move into the second week of group games, with the third games starting on Tuesday, this is where we are:

Group A

Uruguay and Mexico will both go through unless France or South Africa win and win well when they meet on Tuesday.

Group B

Argentina are through, South Korea are likely to join them unless they get well beaten by Nigeria and Argentina don't beat the Greeks.

Group C

England need to beat Slovenia to qualify. The USA also need a win against Algeria, who can only go through with a 2 goal victory over the Americans.

Group D

Germany need to beat Ghana as Serbia have to be favorites to beat the execrable Australians. That would put Germany through second to Serbia, and therefore playing England in the last 16 if England go through as group winners. If Ghana beat the Germans, and the Australians beat Serbia, then the Aussies can still go through and the Germans go out.

Group E

Holland are through, Japan will join them with a point against Denmark, who need to beat Japan to claim the second spot. Cameroon need a miracle.

Group F

Italy and New Zealand drew today, so now Italy will need to beat Slovakia to progress, unless NZ beat Paraguay, in which case it will be down to goal difference.

Group G

Only one game played so far, so hard to say. Brazil have a win, and Ivory Coast and Portugal drew.

Group H

Shock result of the tournament so far was Switzerland beating Spain, with Chile beating Honduras being a little less shocking. One game down, and Spain need 2 wins. Chile and Switzerland play tomorrow and the winner of that game will qualify.